Peter Mansfeld, MD Jonathan Emord, Attorney Richard Bentall, PhD Robert Spillane, PhD Brett Hartmann, PsyD Craig Newnes, PsyD Renee Garfinkel, PsyD For HK Law Reform Contact hong kong free press
Scmp cy leung hong kong family court judge sharon d. melloy dr. jadis blurton dr. andrew connelly thelma kwan chief justice geoffrey ma tao-li
The presence in the child’s symptom display of the three characteristic diagnostic
indicators of an attachment-based model of “parental alienation”7 warrants the DSM-5
diagnosis of,
309.4 Adjustment Disorder with mixed disturbance of emotions and conduct V61.20 Parent-Child Relational Problem
V61.29 Child Affected by Parental Relationship Distress
V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse, Confirmed
A professionally established DSM-5 diagnosis of V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse,
Confirmed based on the presence in the child’s symptom display of the three characteristic
diagnostic indicators of an attachment-based model of “parental alienation” warrants an
immediate child protection response, or we can simply abandon the child to the
psychopathology of the hostage-taker, which becomes the decision before the Court.
Mental health professionals need to end their complicity of silence that results in the
abandonment of the child to the psychopathology of the narcissistic/(borderline) parent by
formally recognizing the child protection issues involved and by making an appropriate
DSM-5 diagnosis for an attachment-based model of “parental alienation” as V995.51, Child
Psychological Abuse, Confirmed, which will then allow the Court and child protective
services to decide whether to fulfill their role of rescuing and protecting the child from the
psychopathology of the narcissistic/(borderline) parent, or of instead abandoning the child
to the psychopathology of the narcissistic/(borderline) parent.
How do you identify a child alienated by one parent against the other? This practical guide discusses all aspects of a case where an alienated child may be involved, from identifying the process to making the presentation in court
In the first edition of Children Held Hostage, Stanley Clawar and Brynne Rivlin used their groundbreaking study of 700 families to demonstrate that children could and were being used by parents in the divorce battle. Their research showed how negative actions by parents toward their children would show up in court proceedings where children testify or are questioned by mental health professionals. Now completely updated and greatly expanded, the research underpinning the material in this book now focuses on research involving over 1,000 families. The major issue in confronting this problem of programmed and brainwashed children has been identification of a child alienated by one parent against the other; proving it in court; and then finding a solution that not only works, but that a court will buy into. The updated edition of Children Held Hostage explains these issues in detail, with practice-focused explanations on every step in the process. Among the many new information and findings presented in this edition, the authors offer further insights into gender issues and differences. Other new material in this edition includes a social-psychological profile of programmers and brainwashers; identification of the most commonly asked questions by judges, target parents, lawyers and children; an expanded social explanation to the causes, impact, and interventions; development of an abductor profile; the addition of charts to visualize key findings and processes; and much more.
"Parental Alienation is about parents who place their own selfish needs above those of their defenseless children and in doing so, they deny them their right to love and be loved by both parents. Alienators do not fit the stereotype of the deficient and ill-equipment parent. Instead, these parents are generally articulate, resourceful, and competent in all other aspects of their lives – except in the realm of parenting. In fact, these individuals might easily be mistaken for ideal parents, except to the properly informed, because they profess love and concern for their children. What sets these individuals apart from other dysfunctional parents is their overwhelming commitment to meeting their own needs first. In doing so, they destroy the relationship their children have with the other parent – at whatever cost. ” Dr. Reena Sommer - Internationally Recognized Divorce and Custody Consultant
Symptoms of Parental Alienation
Copyright 1997 by Douglas Darnall, Ph.D.
To prevent the devastating effects of Parental Alienation, you must begin by recognizing the symptoms of PA. You will notice that many of the symptoms or behaviors focus on the parent. When the child exhibits hatred and vilifies the targeted parent, then the condition becomes parental alienation syndrome. After reading the list, don't get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. This is normal in even the best of parents. Instead, let the list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children.
1. Giving children choices when they have no choice about visits. Allowing the child to decide for themselves to visit when the court order says there is no choice sets up the child for conflict. The child will usually blame the non-residential parent for not being able to decide to choose whether or not to visit. The parent is now victimized regardless of what happens; not being able to see his children or if he sees them, the children are angry.
2. Telling the child "everything" about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce is alienating. The parent usually argues that they are "just wanting to be honest" with their children. This practice is destructive and painful for the child. The alienating parent's motive is for the child to think less of the other parent.
3. Refusing to acknowledge that children have property and may want to transport their possessions between residences.
4. Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities.
5. A parent blaming the other parent for financial problems, breaking up the family, changes in lifestyle, or having a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc.
6. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child's needs. The alienating parent may also schedule the children in so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visit. Of course, when the targeted parent protests, they are described as not caring and selfish.
7. Assuming that if a parent had been physically abusive with the other parent, it follows that the parent will assault the child. This assumption is not always true.
8. Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent causes the child considerable distress. Typically, they do not want to reject a parent, but instead want to avoid the issue. The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for change of residence.
9. Children will become angry with a parent. This is normal, particularly if the parent disciplines or has to say "no". If for any reason the anger is not allowed to heal, you can suspect parental alienation. Trust your own experience as a parent. Children will forgive and want to be forgiven if given a chance. Be very suspicious when the child calmly says they cannot remember any happy times with you or say anything they like about you.
10. Be suspicious when a parent or stepparent raises the question about changing the child's name or suggests an adoption.
11. When children cannot give reasons for being angry towards a parent or their reasons are very vague without any details.
12. A parent having secrets, special signals, a private rendezvous, or words with special meanings are very destructive and reinforce an on-going alienation.
13. When a parent uses a child to spy or covertly gather information for the parent's own use, the child receives a damaging message that demeans the victimized parent.
14. Parents setting up temptations that interfere with the child's visitation.
15. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it's "okay" to have fun with their other parent.
16. The parent asking the child about his/her other parent's personal life causes the child considerable tension and conflict. Children who are not alienated want to be loyal to both parents.
17. When parents physically or psychologically rescue the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child's mind the illusion of threat or danger, thereby reinforcing alienation.
18. Making demands on the other parent that is contrary to court orders.
19. Listening in on the children's phone conversation they are having with the other parent.
20. One way to cause your own alienation is making a habit of breaking promises to your children. In time, your ex-spouse will get tired of having to make excuses for you.
While some unscrupolous psychologist and lawyers would take advantage of your situattion, never pay cash. make sure they are familiar with dr. steven miller.
Legal disputes involving the care and custody of minor children
Task force study public hearing (2014 transcript)
esq: dr. miller did you submit your written testimony?
dr. steven miller: yes i did
well my name is steven miller, i'm a physician in massachussets. i have a special interest in clinical reasoning and medical decision making which in the past 10 or 20 years has been extended into how mental health professionals reason and make decisions, and also extended into the issue of alienation and estrangement. so i think i'm here in part today because i counsel parents also because i wrote a chapter of a book which i will read you, i don't make a penny off this, working with children and families a clinical guide book and my chapter is on reasoning and decision making. in cases of either strong child alignment including severe alienation or severe estrangement. i'm a medical educator. i've directed several hundred courses for contuniing education on clinical reasoning, and i hope in the short time i'm here i can take a 2 day course and condense it into 3 minutes and maybe shed a little light on how these cases go wrong. siting here listening to the other cases, it's clear there's an epidemic. the afcc 4 years ago held a several day conference, international conference devoted exclusively to parental alienation. so when national organizations are devoting several days to have speakers from numerous countries come in an speak about it. you can be sure it's a serious problem. so getting more specific, if there was time i would comment some of the good things that previous witnesses commented about but also a couple of logical fallacies i heard and a couple of inaccuracies including the idea that parental alienation syndrome, and i never use the word syndrome, but including the idea that it's invalid or that it has been discredited, i'm an evidence based medicine expert, that is untenable. it is unequivocably a phenomenon called it whatever you like. so i mean that in a constructive way. i believe it's a syndrome, i just don't use the term to avoid the controversy. i also think what i'd hope to do is bring a scientific view here as some other people have done. i think it's important to distinguish between science and a belief system. one of the previous witnesses expressed the view that co-parenting has never been shown to be better than having individual custody. that's a logical fallacy, it's called an argument from ignorance. she made 2 other logical fallacies in a period of 3 minutes, and i don't mean that as a criticism. these are very common misconceptions. and finally i'll introduce this if i may steal another minute or two. i'm asked all the time, how could this happen? we have the best psychologist i know. guardian ad litem… and the answer is we have a complex medical situation and there's been no medical input. and i don't mean to imply that you need a psychiatrist, what you need is a sub specialist in alienation and estrangement who see this all of the time. not the best psychologist in the world who rarely sees it. and so very briefly, the short answer to this question, how does this happen? is this field is highly counter intuitive to anyone who doesn't have extensive training and experience dealing with it. they, most people will usually get it wrong. when i say people i mean attorneys, psychologists, other mental health experts. the majority of the time they will not only get the case and the evaluation and recommendation wrong. they will get it exactly backwards… (times up)
question from co-chair sharon wicks dornfeld… what can be done about it?
… i think there's a problem with credentials (evaluators, investigators) … but my perspective is that there's a lack of expertise here, even the well intentioned people who want to do the right thing, are way over their heads, senior forensic psychologists, way over their heads in this type of a situation...
7:00
fundamental attribution error 17:40
an attribution error mean that you look at some behavior and you assign what you think is the cause for it… the reason it is calle the fund attar error… we are hard wired to make it…. it is hard to override it. you confuse something that is situational for something that is characterlogical dispositional. in an alienation case. the alienating parent… with .99 certainty has a severe personality disorder. they are either borderline, sociopath, a narcissist, or all three… a mistake that almost everyone will make.. if you see an angry man, you think it's his character, in general, he is an angry man. never mind that the reason that he is angry that someone just stole his car or wallet. we're hardwired to stay away from that guy. so if the anger is situational then it's an error. the relevance to us, is when an interviewer sees a severe case of alienation, the alienating parent is cool calm and collected. he or she is probably a borderline sociopath or narcissist or all three, and is a master manipulator, has learned to convincingly mimic normal behavior and presents very well. saying, oh yes i encourage the childs relationship with his father or his mother. by contrast the targeted parent has ptsd, has not seen the child in god knows how long, maybe years, has been told he's the one who's the problem and comes in all intense, all angry, and stressed out.
you have to ask how severe is this? what is the parent's capacity to co-parent. if you are dealing with an extreme right sided continuum where you have a severe obsessed alienator, the kids are severely alienated… you want to maintain contact, but you must reverse custody. i don't know any expert that believes that you can treat that while they still live with the alienating parent. but that is a minority of the cases. in most cases, you are dealing with more middle of the road situation, i think the court has to step in and enforce the parenting plan, and have consequences when it's violated. and you're doing the child a favor… just to conclude this, what experts don't understand is in severe cases, reunification therapy never ever works. it is a fool's errand. there is no recorded case ever in the literature of anyone taking a severe alienator, i'm talking mom hasn't seen the child in three years, dad is not going to change. and you have to recognize that is what you are dealing with. but once you recognize that's what you are dealing with, most judges don't want to reverse custody, i get it, i wouldn't want to either. so once you are really sure this is what you are dealing with, then the appropriate thing is to reverse custody. there are 2 programs in the country, i should say north america… there are 2 places, one in canada run by kathleen ray and another in texas run by richard roushack, give them four day with the kid, and the kid returns to the rejected parent, happy as a clam to have been reunited, but they require a change in custody and no contact with the alienating parent for 90 days. other than that there is no hope for a severe case. don't even think of doing it with office therapy…
question from jennifer verraneault
…there's a lot of money being made on behalf of this industry that is thinking that you're going to be able to reunify the children with the alienated parent. the court system they don't even know about all of this stuff, and they're doing this, and there's mental health professionals who are naive to think that they can do it. they can't. so, what's the solution? 27:10
reverse custody
(search engine tags - linda gottlieb, parental alienation, alienator, joint parental responsibility model, hong kong child custody, judge sharon melloy, judge bruno , sole custody, hk law reform, family law, lynette levy bandeira, ms. lam, child custody and access on 7 March 2005,HKLRC Report, international child abduction, court fraud)
